The Divine Fantasy
by allfictions
Summary: Battler is an ordinary highschool boy who...wait scratch that. There's nothing 'ordinary' about assuming a false identity after running away from your family. His name is weird too. Well then, a regular student whose only problem seems to be that he has a few secrets. And that the new transfer student calls herself a witch. And that demons exist. And... Okay, many problems.


_DO NOTE that this story IS NOT endorsed by the original holders of the intellectual rights or copyrights mentioned at the end of this chapter. This is a work of fanfiction based on the two original works, with the intent to amuse and distract its readers. There is absolute no intent to make money or otherwise deny the original copyright holders their given due. Should the original holders of the copyright be offended by my use of their rightful property, I will gladly take it down in accordance with Terms of Service of this website. Please support the official release(s) mentioned below._

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**THE DIVINE FANTASY, EPISODE I: COMING OF THE GOLDEN WITCH**

**Chapter I: Prologue** — _Credo quia absurdum est_

(I believe it because it is absurd)

_Kakera #56146745_

_May 30th, 2014_

* * *

Is it wrong to hope making the new transfer student one's girlfriend?

The question might seem a little out of the blue. Bear with me a bit, this Ushiromiya Battler shall explain.

(Strange, the kinds of things that one's mind would focus on when you were trying to avoid an unpleasant subject…)

I wanted to make friends with cute girls. I wanted to meet beautiful women from all over Japan, or even beyond. That's the specific reason why I enrolled into Kuoh Academy three years ago. Having recently turned co-ed, it is expected that the ratio of girls would be superior to the ratio of boys, thus exponentially the chances for a high school romance. And I was right, just for the third-year students the ratio of girls and boys are 8 to 2!

But isn't it in teenagers' nature to have such obviously immature thoughts? Is it wrong to look for a friend, correction, _a girlfriend_ in the new transfer student?

As the class president, I was tasked with helping out this beautiful foreign girl who transferred a month into the first semester. I did my job earnestly, expected nothing in return. One thing led to another, and one afternoon we stayed after class so I could help her with the homework, she invited me to walk her back home.

And I was enough of an idiot to be drawn in by the vague possibility of a love confession.

We walked into the local park as the sun was setting, but, instead of my confession, what I got is a girl saying that magic was real and pretended to be a witch. And like an exclamation mark on the end of a very creepy evening, she also revealed she knew a lot of details about my personal life.

As any sane person would, I got massively creeped out and ran out of the park without looking back.

But still, it was a nice, pleasant day. It was spring, the temperature had been good and warm. Though it was chilly now that night had fallen, there was no worry about freezing to death. A perfect day for a nice, late night stroll, and that was exactly what I was doing, while thinking about how I would convince the teacher of relieving me of my duty.

It's tempting to think the walk back would be uneventful, right?

But sorry, that was a different walk back. _This_ walk back was something other than uneventful.

* * *

So, was it wrong of me to hope making the new transfer student my girlfriend?

Conclusion.

I was wrong.

Whooooooooooom!

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaah?!"

Something just grazed me! I almost lost my head there!

Anyway, as a result of having such wicked and obviously immature thoughts, right now, I am this close to getting killed. To be more precise, I was being chased by…someone. Or rather, _something_, because that…

"Ketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketaketa…"

…horrible laugh is clearly not human.

It's completely dark now, a world of darkness, mostly because the street lights in this town are dimmed and traffic is prohibited during the late hours of the evening. Normally this part of the neighborhood was completely quiet during the night, like the buildings themselves were resting. But tonight, sounds disrupted the otherwise silent atmosphere. Shoes pounding against the asphalt beneath them; breaths, quick and shallow.

That's me, running along one main street on one side, and a concrete wall lined with the street taller than me on the other, only lit up now and then by the dimmed street lights above me.

And behind me is…_it_. I can feel chills all over my body, I can feel its presence nearby, and its intent to kill me becoming much stronger.

I didn't get a clear view of what exactly was _that_, but I'd seen fur, scales, claws, and teeth, especially _teeth_. They were all long, pointy, sharp, covered in saliva, _covered in the blood from their latest victim I surprised them gnawing through._

And getting closer.

I look upwards as I run, seeing nothing but the top of the wall and the dark sky above. I took every turn I could, running in a zigzag along the city streets that were arranged like a Go board, but never once did it lose me. Oh, it was delayed, for ten seconds at best, but always managed to catch up to me, sometimes running on the street, sometimes jumping from roof to roof.

I would try to scream for help, but I have no more oxygen to spare in a shout. Besides, who could help me? I would only get innocent people involved, giving it more food by the same occasion. And trying to forcefully enter a building or a house would probably slow me down long enough for it to catch me.

No, I needed to lose it for good, or at least find a place to hide until tomorrow morning. No way in hell I'm putting grandpa and grandma's lives in danger.

So I frantically kept going, knowing he was doomed, his body mere seconds from shutting down, but he kept struggling to survive, not willing to lose even a seconds worth of life.

Useless, it's all useless.

I have already run further than I ever had before in my life, and under other circumstances, I would have simply slowed to a walk, trying to get my second wind. But I keep up the pace, pushing myself through the pain in my legs and my ribs, forcing my body far past its former limits. Let's be honest, I'm terrified that faltering, or even letting up a little, will be seen as a sign of weakness from the predator, and be like throwing a steak into a pool of hungry piranha. It is one thing for a borderline sadist gym teacher to yell at you if you slow down; the prospect of being eaten alive is a much better motivator to force yourself forward. I'm not even sure if it would be dangerous to ease off, but I have no intention of finding out the truth the hard way.

I can't outrun it like this! I have no more speed to draw forth, and I am not religious enough to believe in miracles dropping from the sky; thus, I can only conclude I will be caught at this rate. I offer a short glance backwards, but a not too distant howl from behind me makes me turn my head forward and just hardens my resolve even more as I dig deeper, finding reserves I didn't know I had. I push myself harder, refusing to accept my old limits, _because my life depends on it._

However, I am starting to rasp, my throat raw as I gasp for breath, my muscles demanding more oxygen than my lungs could deliver. Trying to keep from noticing the slight ache that is also forming in my legs, I take a few moments to observe my surroundings.

Hm? Wait a minute, this seems familiar.

And verily, after running for a while, I finally gain a hint as to where I am.

More exactly, I recognize the building ahead.

_That's the way to school! _

There's my chance. The school should be closed at this hour but I may be able to lose it on the familiar school grounds. The environment will be at my advantage, and already I can think of several ways to reach safe hiding places.

I thought I'd given everything that I could, but I find reserves I'd never tapped before, breaking into a dead run, moving like it was a hundred yard dash, towards the school entrance, my blood running cold when I hear an inhuman roaring behind me.

I focus on my trajectory, the several meter path to the school entrance appearing clearly in my head.

I am going to reach it.

I _can_ reach it.

I'll reach it no matter what! It doesn't matter where the beast comes from! I'll evade it, and take a sharp turn to the left and gain more distance by zigzagging through the bicycle parking area. Either way, I'll end this here!

The moment my foot take a first step inside the courtyard, I am quasi certain of my victory.

I stop thinking about my pursuer altogether. This is why I reach the idea of ending this before _it_ could reach me.

An understandable mistake.

When the beast jumps directly in front of me, I frantically try to stop, but my inertia carries me towards it, increasing the force of the impact when it drives a fist into my chest.

"…Ah."

Time stops.

_Ksh_.

An odd sound.

Barely able to suppress a scream when I feel my ribs crack, the air driven out of me violently, I remains in the air for several seconds who pass like an eternity before my back strikes the dirt of the schoolyard.

Blood rise from my organs and spew from my mouth as I turn my head to the side and vomit the rancid, dark red liquid, some of it splashing on my uniform.

Heavy footsteps.

I gasp pathetically as I lay on my back, feeling helpless as the body of a gigantic beast looms over me.

From what I can see, it's at least more than 5 meters tall. A grotesque being out of the most surreal nightmares, an unnatural form having a woman's upper body and the lower body of a monster, four fat legs with sharp claws and the tail of a snake. A creature reminiscent to a mythological Centaur, really, though it seems much more similar to a Sphinx.

"I can smell something disgusting. But I can also smell something delicious. Is it sweet? Or is it sour?"

It (she?) has a low voice, so low one might confuse it for a man's voice. It (she?) says those words while licking its/her lips in hungry anticipation.

That's the end. There's no doubt about it. This is my fate for being obsessed with stupid filthy delusions. I am an idiot. A fool for looking for a fateful encounter. The dream of not making any effort, but quickly finding a pretty girl, was just that, a dream.

Ah, I want to return. I want to return to earlier that day—when I should have known better, but my eyes were sparkling and I accompanied her to the local park — and knock my old self out.

But it is not possible anymore—not from a logical point of view.

…

Oh, that's right. Logic left this world a while ago. Silly me. Anything can happen.

"…Hey, give it a rest, will you?''

Including someone saving me at the last moment.

Immediately after the voice coming from the darkness speaks those words, the liminal woman standing over me suddenly have sphere of water covering her head. I presume it's water, unless the beast can make bubbles out of thin air. The scene is so surreal, but then again it has been a ridiculous day, I'm no longer fazed by anything anymore.

The ball-shaped water emerging _ex nihilo_ slowly steals away the monster's ability to breathe. Its huge body tried to stand up on its four staggering legs, but the water seems to have its own consciousness, always covering the head. Water whips coming from the darkness attack the monster from every direction, and mercilessly pin it on the ground, its watery helmet still drowning it slowly.

''Seriously, what is she doing? Letting that Stray Devil come all the way here…''

As I gasp, desperately trying to catch my breath, struggling to keep conscious, my heart thundering in my ears, I struggle to lift up my head to see where the voice comes from.

A silhouette comes out of the darkness of the school yard. As the feminine voice made me guess, it is a girl, a student of Kuoh Academy as revealed by her uniform. It's still too dark to make out her face, though I have the vague impression of knowing that voice.

I manage to raise the upper half of my body to get a better view.

"…Who…are…?"

I try to speak but instead cough up a clump of blood from deep in my throat.

"Don't force yourself, you would only worsen your wounds. Still, I'm surprised you managed to make it this far against her, most would have been eaten by now."

The girl continues to walk towards my position in front of the school entrance, and, again, I really think I recognize the voice, but I can't manage to put a name on it. Damn it.

She suddenly stops walking, and I can see the dark shape of her head turn to look behind me.

"You sure took your time, everything is finished already. I had to clean up after you and a human got involved."

A new voice comes from behind me. Another girl.

"Sorry, Souna. The orders from the Arch Duke clearly specified that the Stray Devil named Vaizor lured humans to an unused building to feed on them. I didn't expect her to hunt her prey around town, and we lost a lot of precious time trying to track her."

Souna…?

"It's fine," sighs the first voice. "However, I'm only in charge during day-time. If I didn't have some paperworks to take care of, I wouldn't have been here to save him."

I can see the figure nonchalantly point in my direction.

"Hm? Ara ara, doesn't he seem familiar to you, Buchou?"

I hear yet another girl's voice that doesn't belong to the second. Just how many people…

Huh?

My first savior finally steps out of the darkness of the school yard, and appears in the pale moonlight…

Are you serious!?

I'm so shocked my mouth keeps opening and closing wordlessly.

Before me stands a beautiful and slender female student, black hair styled in a short bob cut, quite the beauty, that is, if you exclude the cold and strict atmosphere around her. Her strict violet eyes have an interrogating look behind a pair of red glasses as she looks down on me from above.

Kuou Academy's Student-President, Shitori Souna.

W-what?

"Now that you mention it, I didn't pay much attention to it before, but isn't he your classmate, **Rias**?''

Rias!? Don't tell me…!?

"Come to think of it, that ridiculous hairstyle does look a lot like…''

The second voice is now extremely close, directly above me. I raise my head.

Red. A sea of red, of crimson. Or rather, a sea of red hair. And floating on it is a beautiful, light skinned face assorted with blue-green eye expressing curiosity.

And smiling at me.

Yup, Rias Gremory, Kuoh Academy's number one beauty, one of the Two Great Ladies of the school, rumored Scandinavian, is smiling at me, Ushiromiya Battler. Oh, and she's my classmate as well. Meeting her at school tomorrow sure is gonna be awkward.

And Gremory-san being here means I can safely guess which the third girl is.

"Who is it, Buchou?''

Another voice!? And a guy's voice at that. Just how many people are here, and how come did I not hear them?

"That's Kinirowashi Sento, our classmate,'' answers, not Gremory-san, but the third, now identified voice.

As she says my false name, Himejima Akeno, second of the Two Great Ladies of Kuoh Academy (therefore number two beauty of the school), places herself besides Gremory-san, her long, black ponytail swaying behind her as she does so. Accompanying her are three other people, as I expected, more spectators to my pathetic form. A handsome boy who seems younger than me, with short blonde hair and grey eyes (another foreigner?), a white-haired petite girl (is she in middle school?), and a non-descriptive, plain guy of average height with short brown hair, who seem as confused as me about the whole situation.

Or maybe that's just his default expression.

Together with Shitori Souna, they form a ring from above me, staring down where I lay. I look up to them, too tired and stunned to say anything, which is probably for the best as I don't know what exactly I should say.

The average dude speaks up.

"Er, Buchou, what do we do with him?''

Not the same voice, so it wasn't him who spoke earlier, that must have been the bishounen.

Gremory-san doesn't answer him, instead she talks to me.

"Kinirowashi-kun, I'm sure you have a lot of questions, don't you?''

I become aware I can't breathe properly. Is it pain? Or is some part of my respiratory tract damaged? Although uninformed, I tried my best to make a small voice despite my breathing difficulties.

"W-who…or what are…you?''

"What are we?''

She grimaces, as if she just ate something sour. Some part of my mind realizes she might have been offended by my use of _what_ instead of _who_. Another part seriously do not care and just want to go home already: Grandpa and grandma must be worried sick.

A third part of my mind, however, is extremely aware that the pain is numbing everything; it is a different numbness from earlier: it is larger, messier, and more absolute.

Not…good.

Rias Gremory glances around, looking at the others. Some silencious message seem to be exchanged, and some give a slight nod. She sighs, and focus back on me.

"I will tell what we are. You deserve that much. In actuality, we all are…''

"W-wait Buchou, isn't he bleeding more than before!?''

FLAP!

Just as I realize that, effectively, a large amount of blood is staining my white dress shirt, at that moment, wings sprout from the backs of everyone around me. Bat-like wings.

_Vampires? Are you kidding me?_

It is, I perceive, the last sound I hear.

My consciousness leaves me after that.

* * *

So, is it wrong to hope making a girlfriend with little effort?

Re-conclusion.

I am still wrong.

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**Greetings, allfictions writing.**

**Saying it now, this story will be ****Anti-Mystery, as in, every supernatural elements, witches, demons, magic, etc, areactually real, Fantasy scenes of _Umineko_ are considered to have taken place, and no "X fantasy scene was just a fantastical representation of how X mundane scene happened." ********Gi**ven how the game is a postmodern-murder-mystery-romance, and if you add in the whole _Umineko_ debates-on-multiple-levels-of-existence and conceptual hax that can overwrite each other, Anti-Fantasy proponents might want to get away now.

**For those interested, welcome on board.**

**So what did you think? As a short prologue, it doesn't show much, but I do hope it was interesting enough to make you curious as to exactly where I'm going with this. It would be mission accomplished I think. The main character is obviously Battler, lovable breast lover, master debater and detective, and it happens during the 6-year void while he was away from his family. I intend to make them appear eventually, and more and more _Umineko_ characters if the fic continue this long. It is also known that he changed his family name for his mother's during while he was away and living at his grandparents' house, so I didn't pull this out of my ass.**

**And I want to make that clear: no Sacred Gear for Battler. Seriously, why do your MC need a Sacred Gear? Humans can be extraordinary in DxD verse without one, you can be an Exorcist, be a Holy Sword user, a Demonic Sword user, a Magician, etc.**

**That's it for now, I guess. And I lay my fingers off the keyboard...**

**Don't worry, there's also a perfectly logical explanation as to why he is here when _Umineko_, barring a few anachronisms, _takes place in 1986. _And no, it has nothing to do with 2014 being the present year, actually.**

**...**

**The original "sound novels" _Umineko: When They Cry_ (_Umineko no Naku Koro ni_) were produced by 07th Expansion, with the first game in the series, _Legend of the Golden Witch_, released in 2007, and seven sequels ending with the last game, _Twilight of the Golden Witch, _released in 2010_._**

**The original light novels of _High School DxD_ were written by Ichiei Ishibumi, originally published by _Fujimi Shobo_ in 2008, and are still ongoing after seventeen volumes and a two-season anime adaptation by TNK that premiered in January 2012.**


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